In my recent post entitled God Doesn’t Want You to Forgive Yourself, I argued that the concept of “forgiving yourself” is not only unbiblical but counterproductive to growing in your faith. In this follow-up, I wanted to address the pain and guilt that leads people to feel like they must forgive themselves even though they know God has already forgiven them.
What I do appreciate about encouraging hurting people to forgive themselves is that there’s a recognition that something is not right. If after you’ve confessed your sin to God and to others you still feel a paralyzing guilt, an ingredient is missing. But if that ingredient isn’t forgiving yourself, then what is it?
A passage from Matthew’s gospel I think gives us a good answer. Matthew 9:1-8 is the famous story of the paralytic who was brought by his friends to Jesus in the hopes that he would be healed:
…And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, ‘Take heart, my son; your sins are forgiven.’ And behold, some of the scribes said to themselves, ‘This man is blaspheming.’ But Jesus, knowing their thoughts, said, ‘Why do you think evil in your hearts? For which is easier, to say, “Your sins are forgiven, or to say, “Rise and walk?” But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins’ -he then said to the paralytic- ‘Rise, pick up your bed and go home.’ And he rose and went home. When the crowds saw it, they were afraid, and they glorified God, who had given such authority to men.
What exactly is going on here? While Matthew only writes that the Pharisees called Jesus a blasphemer, Luke (and Mark for that matter) fills out the picture a little more about why Jesus was accused of blasphemy: “And the scribes and the Pharisees began to question, saying, ‘Who is this who speaks blasphemies? Who can forgive sins but God alone?’” (Luke 5:21) As I wrote in the previous entry on this topic, since all sin is ultimately against God (Ps.51:4), only God can offer forgiveness of sins. The Pharisees understood this well, which is why they accused Jesus of blasphemy when he claimed to forgive the paralytic’s sins. He was claiming the ability to do something only God could do.
But there’s more to the story than this. Any nut can claim to forgive a person’s sins. So Jesus backs up his claim by healing the paralytic. Why is this relevant to him claiming to be able to forgive sin? Michael Green explains:
There was a deeply rooted conviction in Judaism that all suffering was a result of personal sin, and that nobody could be cured until he or she was forgiven. For instance, Rabbi Chija ben Abba said, ‘No sick person is cured from sickness until all his sins have been forgiven him.’ Rabbi Alexander agreed: ‘The sick does not arise from his sickness until his sins are forgiven.’
The scribes and Pharisees felt that since Jesus had blasphemed God, he would not be able to heal the man. So by healing the paralytic’s illness, Jesus was proving his authority to cleanse the man’s deepest and most difficult paralysis: sin. It was his moment of vindication.
So what does this story have to say to those who struggle with lingering guilt?
First, it serves as a reminder that only the one sinned against can offer pardon for sin. Jesus has authority to forgive sins, and he promises to permanently wipe clean the sins of anyone who comes to him (John 6:37). He promises to cleanse us of our sins when we confess them (1 John 1:9), and as a child of God he separates our sins from us as far as the east is from the west (Psa. 103:12).
Secondly, in light of this it also reminds us of a huge truth: You are who God says you are and nothing less. If you know that God forgives you but you struggle to forgive yourself, you need to start looking in a new mirror. You’ve too long been looking in a mirror that reflects a failure, an addict, a pervert, a drunk, a whatever…. It’s a false mirror though. It’s the mirror Satan wants you to look in. But God holds up a different mirror. Looking into it, you see Christ. You see sinlessness, perfection, holiness, and a royal child of the Most High God. Yes, I know you still sin. And God knows and is grieved by those sins you still commit. However, when it comes to your eternal salvation, God is judging you by the perfect life lived by Jesus.
Third and finally, I think this passage illustrates well the missing ingredient that people are looking for when they feel like they have to forgive themselves. The greatest need of the paralytic was the same as ours: forgiveness for the sins which have made us enemies of a holy God. Jesus provided this ultimate need for the paralytic, and if you’re a believer in Christ he did the same for you. But he didn’t stop there. He healed the man’s paralysis, and commanded him: “Rise, pick up your bed and go home.” And the guy freaking did. If you have truly confessed your sins to God, you’re forgiven. And now Christ is commanding you to live in light of your new-found freedom.
God has forgiven you, and now you must rest in his forgiveness. Instead of trying to forgive yourself, rise, pick up your bed, and start walking like a forgiven person. Stop lying down on your bed dwelling on your former paralysis after Jesus has commanded you to rise, and accept the fact that you have new freedoms. Every command that Christians are given in the New Testament stems first from who we now are because of our union with Christ. For example the first three chapters of Ephesians are all devoted to reminding believers of what God has done for them and what is now true of them as a result of his work. It isn’t until the last three chapters that all the commands start. The point is that we can only ever do anything of worth for the Lord by first comprehending what he has done for us. (Eph.2:8-10) As a child of God, the Bible says far greater things about you than you would ever dare believe about yourself. And it’s belief in those things that’s the missing ingredient when you feel the need to forgive yourself. Stated positively, when you accept who God says you are, you won’t feel the need to forgive yourself.
“‘I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.’”
-Isaiah 43:25
